Contingencies
by PoppingVestButtons
Summary: Jane tells Lisbon his plans after her kills Red John, and he asks her to go with him. Part of a fic exchange.


**A/N: My contribution to the Fic Exchange! I hope you enjoy it!**

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"Come with me."

The words registered in Lisbon's ears with such clarity that it was as if there were no sounds; no birds chirping in the high trees, no kids screaming at the top of their lungs from the adjoining playground just a few feet away. Her whole body felt numb, as if she were struck by lightning and all she could feel was the way it tingled her body. Slowly, as he took a few steps toward her, the feeling in her body returned to an almost painful throb, and the sounds picked up once again.

"Come with me, Teresa," he repeated, a painful edge to his voice. "I've…I've been preparing for this a long time. I've had contingency plans in place for a while now. I…" he bit his lip and shook his head. "I know I have no right asking you. God, I know I don't have any right. It's so selfish of me, but when have I ever not been egotistical?"

"Contingency plans, huh?" she replied, irritation lacing her tone. "How recently did you add me to those plans?" It was a serious question. He had strung her along for years and years, and she had allowed it—hell, she even contributed to it. How long did he make these plans strictly for himself without including her?

"I'm asking you if you'll come with me when I…" he trailed off, trying to find the right words to say. "It's an opportunity, Teresa. We could—we could run away! We could leave and never come back to California, to the States."

He was different somehow; he was anxious and not at all as calculating in his words as he generally was. He was nervous, but she couldn't tell if it was just the current situation that was making him nervous or the fact he was asking her to come with him. Either way, his sudden uneasiness was a shock to her system. This was it.

 _This was it._ He was leaving, and he was standing here asking her if she'd come with him. It struck her deep in the chest that he wasn't going to be coming back. If she let him go now, this would be the last time she'd see him if she didn't take him up on his offer.

"You're not coming back." It was a statement.

He said nothing for a moment, letting the air thicken around them. Finally, with a heavy, audible sigh, he shook his blond curls. "No."

She nodded absently, the pounding in her chest growing louder as it hammered against her ribs. She couldn't color herself surprised, but the word 'no' had such finality to it that she almost flinched when he said it. She hadn't really explored the inner workings of her mind lately, but she was just as sure as she was standing there that her feelings for Jane were much more than she tried to let on. All the years of questioning and lying awake at night came flooding back to her.

"It wasn't supposed to end this way. You weren't supposed to end it like this," Lisbon told him. "I was going to _stop_ you, Jane. I was going to make sure you didn't do something stupid like this. I failed. I failed in that, Jane," she said, "and for that I'm sorry. If I could stop you, I would. But you'd never stop, Jane. You would just keep damaging yourself until you are too far to come back and be normal." It hurt her to say, but it was the truth. It was what she needed to say.

"Deep in your heart, Lisbon, you knew this was going to happen."

"I always planned to stop you, Jane," replied Lisbon sullenly, "that's the truth."

He gazed at her intently, trying to decide what she was getting at. She had always known he would choose this path, and yet she was still trying to convince him she was going to stop him. But the truth of the matter was she had given him her gun upon request, which blew a hole in her statement.

"What changed your mind, Teresa?" he asked in genuine interest. "We both know your moral code is strong, so why give me your weapon when I asked?"

She shook her head and chuckled a humorless laugh. "I don't know." She looked him dead in his bluish-green eyes and trapped her trembling lip between her teeth. "I do know that I can't come with you, Jane." The tears started falling, cascading down her cheeks and falling onto her jacket. "How would that look? How would it even work? We'd be fugitives. I don't want that life for myself. Hell, I don't even want it for you, but if this is what you want to do, I won't stop you."

His heart sank, but he was not surprised by her answer. "No," he replied softly, "I suppose it wouldn't be such a nice life for you, Teresa. I couldn't offer you anything, either. I only want you to be happy, and if this isn't—if going with me doesn't do that for you, I understand."

The same shattering of hearts was reflected in the pupils of the other. This was the goodbye that both had been dreading. Neither one was prepared to pick up the shards of two broken hearts at their feet, but it was inevitable. They stood there for a minute in complete silence, an air of thick sorrow between them. When Jane finally did speak, his voice was hoarse and thick with unshed emotion.

"I'm heading off to Venezuela," he told her quietly. "No extradition to the United States. They have great culture there, too." He tried a smile, but it only slipped into a frown. "I…I may do some things that are unsavory in getting there, but I believe I'll be better off. I thought you would be, too, but I understand you have too much here."

"Jane, please! Reconsider what you are doing." It was a last-ditch effort, even though she knew there was nothing she could do. His mind was already made up.

He took two steps toward her and hugged her to him tightly. "I'll find a way to write you, Teresa. I'll do what I can." He pulled back and gave her a grazing kiss on the forehead. "Thank you for everything."

She watched as he turned and hustled through the grassy hill, losing sight of him as he reached a decline. She didn't bother to wipe the tears from her face, she let them come.

She let him go because she loved him. She knew that. She had always known that. She retreated silently, the tears still unabashedly falling.

Letting him go without her was both the best and worst decision she could have made. She'd tell herself that over and over for two long, lonely years.


End file.
